The Great Jim Benning Debate! (And personal insult thread)

[Blob Mckenzie]

Still have to give the crown to the Chef though...his prose flows

Twas edited.

But yeah the Chef had a doozie for sure

[Cousin Strawberry]

Still have to give the crown to the Chef though...his prose flows

Twas edited.

But yeah the Chef had a doozie for sure

The edit makes it a much closer contest

Chef...your response?

[Strangelove]

As the Chef licked his wounds...

[Cousin Strawberry]

As the Chef licked his wounds...

Slowly while making eye contact

[Chef Boi RD]

Keep in mind the history here. This was pre incident at Britannia Rink and took place at the YMCA fitness club in East Van in the early to mid 80’s. A much younger Chef was working out at the club when he noticed NHL players Mike Gillis and Ken Holland working out. The Chef has his spandex tights and Terry Cloth shirt on and was working cup a good sweat. He had decent biceps and a beautiful black thick flowing mullet much like a young John Stamos. The Chef concentrated on his upper body more and liked to max out his bench press. His legs were another story- they looked like broom handles to be quite frank. Holland made a comment that the kid should put some ‘shake & bake on his thighs’. Gillis chimed in saying he’d ‘seen better legs in a bucket of KFC’... the Chef was a bit upset but undeterred in his quest to get stronger by working out. The NHLer’s made a couple more snide remarks about his stringy chicken thighs and the Chef had had enough.

As he left the gym the Chef ran into a familiar face Raphael Rottenknob who was a cousin of the Chef’s sometimes gal pal Rosie Rottencrotch. Raphael had seen the exchange at the gym and offered to take the Chef to the Astoria for a pitcher of beer. They had a couple of pitchers and then Raphael invited the Chef up to his room. He flipped on the TV and the Andy Griffiths Show was on. The Chef loved the Gomer Pyle character played by Jim Nabors. He and Raphael proceeded to smoke rock and Raphael also was mixing another cocktail of battery acid and ammonia for god knows what. Raphael suggested that the Chef learn some self defence tactics. He showed him a Full Nelson hold, half Nelson and then a Father Nelson hold which aroused the Chef. The next thing he knew Raphael had putt the acid mix onto the top of his dome and the poor Chef had his spandex ripped in the ass. He was overpowered by the much stronger Raphael and was being fiercely violated when Rosie walked in and smashed a magnum of Lonesome Charlie over Rpahael’s dome which triggered a wild brawl. The Chef managed to crow hop out of the Astoria on his razor thin legs and stumble down to the Patrica.

As the Chef licked his wounds in the Pat, he ran into a strapping blond female police officer named Anne. He always trusted Anne and they walked to Oppenheimer Park where the Chef asked if he could see her nightstick. Anne obliged but then suddenly she see the nightstick on the Chef’s exposed bottom. He managed to escape her clutches when he ran into another familiar face in Gillian. She was a sexy sultry old cougar with lips that looked like she blew a bee hive. She went to town on the Chef’s tiny third leg and he saw the stars, the sun and the moon. As she dropped him off at Pigeon Park - she said I guess it wasn’t leg day today. An enraged Chef was sick and tired about people picking on his lack of leg development.

The Chef caught a cab back to North Van with a now permanent skullet for a hair do due to Raphael’s acid mix, spandex with the ass out and a few cuts and bruises. He saw a mountain bike queen named Michelle D. She was a tall muscular “gal” with an Adam’s apple which he found odd. She invited the Chef to go riding on a tandem bike with her and they pedalled into the forest. As she slid closer to the Chef he wondered if that was a banana pressing up against him.

He vowed to get Mike Gillis and Ken Holland.


Never forget

not bad Hargraves. Not bad

[Meds]

Ok. That made for a good laugh on a lazy Sunday at work.

.....managed to crow hop out of the Astoria...

GOLD!

[Cornuck]

Nice to see this thread has evolved into CC fan fiction.

Well played, gentlemen.

[Megaterio Llamas]

This is excellent. Reads a lot like a would be Mickey Spillane novel had Mickey been into trannies and battery acid baths.

[Madcombinepilot]

Lol!!

Two if the best bullshitters in the biz just exchanged right there.

Funny as hell!

[Strangelove]

They could be entertaining trading from a position of strength (RW) to address a position of weakness (D)

But it’s adorable to see the pee pee pants forum explode into a diaper war.

That would make sense if cap alleviation wasn't a motivating factor. They can deal Boeser for a dman, but they can't deal him for one that is signed at a similar cap hit (like Dumba), so that significantly limits their options for trade targets.

What if Benning already knows Loui is going to agree to mutually terminate?

What if Benning already has a plan to off-load Loui in a seperate trade?

What if Baer/Sutter is included in a Boeser-Dumba trade.

You simps don't have access to all the facts and you're lacking in imagination.

Ever think that it's not "pee pee pants" but just being realistic based on the crappy reality of the situation that Benning has caused?

Nope, it's "pee pee pants" all the way...

[Strangelove]

Then I'll change my opinion accordingly (because my head is not always buried in the sand like you guys lol).

Wait... you just admitted that you have no idea of the big picture and that you're lacking in imagination

... and we have our heads buried in the sand?

I mean at least we speculate on what the big picture might be...

Benning hasn't shown he has been able to manage the cap very effectively to date.

He's done just fine so far.

Getting hit with the unexpected Luongo penalty (thanks Gillis!) and unexpected flat cap ($84M they said) has hurt a bit

... but nothing that can't be overcome.

He overpaid on some UFAs (rebuilding teams must overpay) as stop-gaps for the rebuild, but they're going away just in time.

(except for Loui... or is he?)

You think there's a chance that Loui will agree to terminate his deal when he's still owed something like $7-8 million? Hahahahaha.

In four days that number becomes $5M in theory... but more like $4M in reality (10% deferment, 20% escrow).

Loui has earned $60M in the NHL and has a chain of restaurants to run in Sweden

... and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to ride the buses in the A.

No one here has access to all of the facts. It's inherently speculation.

Exactly my point. You seem incapable of "speculation".

You act as though the tiny bit of the picture you have access to... is the entire picture.

Well you and the rest of the tardy kids back at the funny farm.

[Chef Boi RD]

Is Lawrence Gilman lover - Edge Lord still edging JD Burke’s Side burns? I think I need to Fan Fic EL soon, stoke those fires again, but he doesn’t move Chefs needle enough for Chef to care, his Benning moans and groans are self explanatory -“thou doth protest too much” . The fan fic’ing had a real affect on him, I got a response. Win!! But I’m locked and loaded in the Situation Room With Wolf Blitzer, the fan fic takes a back seat to ole Wolf Blitzer!

[Megaterio Llamas]

Seems like some of the local media types don't think $18 million in cap space is really such a terrible spot, comparatively:

It's around 7 minutes in:

David Pagnotta: Canucks against the cap, CBA and return to play go ahead

July 10 2020

https://www.sportsnet.ca/650/reach-deep ... -go-ahead/

[Strangelove]

I had another post that addressed all of these points but you seemed to have deleted it. Can you bring it back? Otherwise this place seems pretty toxic in literally censoring a perfectly valid and respectful discussion on Benning, bizarre stuff.

These things happen when a bunch of posts get moved... but here we are... in the right thread.

Please re-post it pronto so I can further show the world how much of a mentally ill imbecile you are.

[Cousin Strawberry]

I'm thinking he's spent time in a "facility" somehwere in the past involuntarily admitted. All signs point to mental health issues for sure.

Edgy...are you seeing Jim Benning in the room with you right now?