The Great Jim Benning Debate! (And personal insult thread)

[Megaterio Llamas]

[Cousin Strawberry]

Chef...regale us in the skullet tossing again. How was the grip...over or underhand?

[Chef Boi RD]

Let me blunt with you Meg. Doyle is as gay as a $3.00 bill. Nobody knows the Interior layout of the ole Dufferin better than Doyle. He misses the place greatly, which is why he won’t stop talking about it.

[Megaterio Llamas]

[Mickey107]

We already know that some of the veterans in our core had decent value at the time, those being Kesler, Bieksa, Hansen, Burrows, and Hamhuis. The issue is that Benning targeted the wrong assets in the Kesler deal (Sbisa?!), and then pissed away other assets we received (Bonino for Sutter, McCann for Gudbranson, the 2nd we received for Bieksa). It would also be nice to still have Kassian (the Sedins commented on him being a good guy even despite his substance abuse).

We had cap space to use to take on bad contracts for high picks (Marleau + 1st, Crouse + Bolland, Teravainen + Bickell, etc.) that we instead allocated for some pretty bad and useless players who ended up helping us finish bottom 5 in the league anyways.

The rebuild has taken so long because Benning has made poor decisions that are generally not aimed at the long-term success of the team.

I'm trying to be fair and open minded to the thoughts your expressing but the Kelser deal ? C'mon.. Under the circumstances it wasn't
bad at all.
If I was making a mediocre income as an asst. on another team and someone offered me a Title job with a paycheck that matches it, I'd swallow
my integrity for a spell if needed, though not sure that's what happened.
Not once, that I've read have you acknowledged how difficult rebuilding not just the team but the culture surrounding it was going to be
with the Sedins still so involved. Not easy.
Yes,some mistakes were made under Benning's banner. Every pro sports team can always say if only...
I don't visit your shop that much but it is funny to see whole pages of how much of a crumb Jim is. It's hilarious to read.
Some of them are beautifully written. Eloquent as hell. Still a dog pile.

[Blob Mckenzie]

Where is the Chef waking up this morning? He probably got lit up like a Christmas tree last night. He’s likely covered in piss and puke, can’t breath through his nose. How long before he starts smoking the rock instead of stuffing it up his big bulbous snout? Eventually the nasal cavity breaks down from the daily use of cocaine. You aren’t a young man anymore Chef. Take it easy oldtimer, you can’t grow another nose and you can’t grow another liver and pancreas.

[Cousin Strawberry]

They havent given him his pre-release mcmuffin yet down at city cells

[Chef Boi RD]

Dufferin Doyle they called him. He knew the lay of the land in that ole seedy hotel. He was fixture there, a monument, a staple, a constant reminder of “letting the good times roll. You usually found him at the end of the bar holding court in his trademark teddy bear handle bar moustache, leather chaps, leather jock strap held up by suspenders made of chain. He always loved a good wrestle with his fellows. When they tore the ole Dufferin down it was the night the drove ole Doyles down with it, his heart forever lays in what is no longer there, a figment of Doyles fading imagination, his best years - the Dufferin King. Tops to all those bottoms who came and went through that revolving door of orgies. He’s never been the same since

[Chef Boi RD]

One legendary story has it, Doyles only challenge for teddy bear dominance of the Dufferin. Back in the 70’s there were rumblings of a new kid in town who apparently wanted to challenge Doyles dominance and be crowned the new King of the Dufferin. This new fella went by the name of Mickey Dicky the Pyle Driver. Nobody ever met this Micky fella, some claim its all nothing but an urban myth. Some claim Mickey was the fella found dead in the alley off the Dufferin from an apparent suicide jump from the roof of the Dufferin. But some also claim that that was no suicide, but the result of a mere battle for dominance in a fight to the death that took place between Dufferin Doyle and Mickey Dickey the Pyle Driver on top of the Dufferin roof with no witnesses to the duel. Fact or Fiction, we’ll never know

[Cousin Strawberry]

Fuck dude you should've worked in comedy somewhere. Contracting is such a waste of your talents

[Blob Mckenzie]

Jesus Christ I got some responding to do later

[Strangelove]

LMAO Dude!

And here I thought Rock Hudson was "The Pyle Driver"...

[Mickey107]

[Blob Mckenzie]

Keep in mind the history here. This was pre incident at Britannia Rink and took place at the YMCA fitness club in East Van in the early to mid 80’s. A much younger Chef was working out at the club when he noticed NHL players Mike Gillis and Ken Holland working out. The Chef has his spandex tights and Terry Cloth shirt on and was working cup a good sweat. He had decent biceps and a beautiful black thick flowing mullet much like a young John Stamos. The Chef concentrated on his upper body more and liked to max out his bench press. His legs were another story- they looked like broom handles to be quite frank. Holland made a comment that the kid should put some ‘shake & bake on his thighs’. Gillis chimed in saying he’d ‘seen better legs in a bucket of KFC’... the Chef was a bit upset but undeterred in his quest to get stronger by working out. The NHLer’s made a couple more snide remarks about his stringy chicken thighs and the Chef had had enough.

As he left the gym the Chef ran into a familiar face Raphael Rottenknob who was a cousin of the Chef’s sometimes gal pal Rosie Rottencrotch. Raphael had seen the exchange at the gym and offered to take the Chef to the Astoria for a pitcher of beer. They had a couple of pitchers and then Raphael invited the Chef up to his room. He flipped on the TV and the Andy Griffiths Show was on. The Chef loved the Gomer Pyle character played by Jim Nabors. He and Raphael proceeded to smoke rock and Raphael also was mixing another cocktail of battery acid and ammonia for god knows what. Raphael suggested that the Chef learn some self defence tactics. He showed him a Full Nelson hold, half Nelson and then a Father Nelson hold which aroused the Chef. The next thing he knew Raphael had putt the acid mix onto the top of his dome and the poor Chef had his spandex ripped in the ass. He was overpowered by the much stronger Raphael and was being fiercely violated when Rosie walked in and smashed a magnum of Lonesome Charlie over Rpahael’s dome which triggered a wild brawl. The Chef managed to crow hop out of the Astoria on his razor thin legs and stumble down to the Patrica.

As the Chef licked his wounds in the Pat, he ran into a strapping blond female police officer named Anne. He always trusted Anne and they walked to Oppenheimer Park where the Chef asked if he could see her nightstick. Anne obliged but then suddenly she see the nightstick on the Chef’s exposed bottom. He managed to escape her clutches when he ran into another familiar face in Gillian. She was a sexy sultry old cougar with lips that looked like she blew a bee hive. She went to town on the Chef’s tiny third leg and he saw the stars, the sun and the moon. As she dropped him off at Pigeon Park - she said I guess it wasn’t leg day today. An enraged Chef was sick and tired about people picking on his lack of leg development.

The Chef caught a cab back to North Van with a now permanent skullet for a hair do due to Raphael’s acid mix, spandex with the ass out and a few cuts and bruises. He saw a mountain bike queen named Michelle D. She was a tall muscular “gal” with an Adam’s apple which he found odd. She invited the Chef to go riding on a tandem bike with her and they pedalled into the forest. As she slid closer to the Chef he wondered if that was a banana pressing up against him.

He vowed to get Mike Gillis and Ken Holland.


Never forget

[Cousin Strawberry]

Still have to give the crown to the Chef though...his prose flows