Hey guys. This is my first post here....please be nice!!
Not sure if this is really a joke per se....but I did find it to be quite humorous!!
Denver may have bought its hockey team, but becoming a true Divealanche fan is not as easy as just buying a jersey. The following test can tell you if you really have what it takes.
Grab a pen and piece of paper and number it from 1 to 25. If you have to take off your shoes to count that high, give yourself an extra point. Answer each of the questions below to the best of your abilities. You'll get a point for every one you get right. The next post will contain the answers and scoring. Good luck!
1. What year was the National Hockey League started?
2. Which of the following is an example of interference?
a) impeding the progress of an opponent
b) restraining an opponent who is attempting to forecheck
c) checking a defensive player who is not in possession of the puck
d) brushing or touching Peter Forsberg in a manner that upsets him
3. Of the following NHL players, who will be remembered as the greatest?
a) Wayne Gretzky
b) Gordie Howe
c) Bobby Orr
d) Martin Skoula
4. What is the most important step toward winning the Stanley Cup?
a) hiring an experienced head coach
b) acquiring skillful players at each position
c) determining the proper strategy
d) determining the proper Canadian team to buy
5. The opposing team has been called for icing the puck. What should you do?
a) Jump up and down, cheering and flapping your arms
b) Hug the fans in the seats around you
c) Take a picture so you can all cherish the moment later
d) All of the above
6. After hockey, what is your favorite sport?
d) Meth lab
7. Why is Scott Parker nicknamed "The Sheriff"?
a) Because he lays down the law when he's on the ice
b) Because he keeps the other team's bad guys in line
c) Because he commands respect whenever he appears in a game
d) Because he skates as though he's wearing cowboy boots
8. On average, which of the following will fly the farthest distance through the air?
a) a migrating goose
b) an owl in search of a mate
c) an eagle in search of prey
d) Peter Forsberg in search of a whistle
9. What originally drew you to the Divealanche?
a) Fast-paced hockey action
b) Skillful play of Joe Sakic and others
c) Fun, family atmosphere at hockey games
d) The Broncos weren't winning
10. How long have you been an avid Divealanche supporter?
a) Since their first game in Colorado
b) Since the middle of their first season
c) Since the start of the 95-96 Stanley Cup playoffs
d) Since the start of the 95-96 Stanley Cup parade
11. What is a goon?
a) a player of dubious talent whose purpose is to disrupt the opposition
b) a player who taunts the opposition
c) a player whose only talent is fighting
d) every player from every other team except the Dives
12. Male Divesfans Only: which of the following describes your hair?
b) very short, businesslike
c) medium length, wavy
13. Female Divesfans Only: which of the following describes your hair?
b) long and straight
d) "It rubs the lotion on its skin..."
14. What is a sure sign that a penalty has been called against the opposing team?
a) the referee has blown his whistle and is pointing at a visiting player
b) a player is skating toward the visitor's penalty box
c) the visiting team's captain is arguing with the officials
d) Peter Forsberg is no longer lying unconscious on the ice, but is now miraculously cured and ready to start the power play
15. Where did the Avalanche play hockey prior to coming to Denver?
b.) Long Beach
d.) There was hockey before the Avalanche came to Denver?
16. The crowd is chanting "Red Wings Suck" over and over. What team is visiting Denver?
a) Dallas Stars
b) Kansas City Chiefs
c) Seattle Mariners
d) Any of the above
17. What is a hat trick?
a.) Player scores three goals in one game
b.) Goalie stops the puck with his head
c.) An elaborately executed scoring play
d.) Wearing an Avalanche cap to Coors Field because the Rockies suck
18. What is the "Miracle on Ice?"
a.) The U.S. Olympic team's improbable win over the Soviet Union in 1980
b.) The Kings rallying from a 5-goal deficit in a playoff game in 1982
c.) Wayne Gretzky scoring ten goals in a game
d.) A Dives fan knowing the difference between a legal and illegal hand pass
19. Why doesn't Scott Parker get more ice time?
a) He's not a very skilled skater
b) He doesn't skate as well as he should
c) He has a degree of difficulty skating
d) Parker is so big and mighty that the NHL limits his playing time to prevent the Divealanche from frightening other teams into submission, winning all of their games, and establishing a monopoly of sheer dominance over the entire National Hockey League forever and ever!!!
20. Which of the following constitutes an obvious major penalty plus game misconduct?
a) leaving the bench during an altercation
b) butt ending an opponent
c) boarding an opponent in a manner that causes him to be injured
d) touching Peter Forsberg in a manner that causes him to lose the puck
21. How many active players in the NHL grew up playing hockey in Colorado?
b) 2 or 3?
c) about the same number as grew up playing hockey in Alabama
d) duh... er... Red Wings Suck!
22. Who won the 1931 Stanley Cup?
d) I think it would have been the Divealanche if they had been around then.
23. What's the best way for a Divealanche player to ensure that he'll be healthy enough to show up during the playoffs?
a) maintain a strict regimen of weight training
b) eat a healthy diet and get plenty of sleep between games
c) jog and ride the stationary bike to improve cardiovascular health
d) spend the regular season watching television in Sweden
24. What is "clutching and grabbing"?
a) excessive physical play bordering on interference
b) physically taking hold of a superior offensive player
c) a strategy that crappy teams use
d) something Mike Haynes does to his unit whenever the Dives score
25. What's the most exciting time of the year?
a) the first NHL game
b) the NHL All Star game
c) the Stanley Cup playoffs
d) Broncos season