Joke Central

The primary goal of this site is to provide mature, meaningful discussion about the Vancouver Canucks. However, we all need a break some time so this forum is basically for anything off-topic, off the wall, or to just get something off your chest! This forum is named after poster Creeper, who passed away in July of 2011 and was a long time member of the Canucks message board community.

Moderator: Referees

Re: Joke Central

Postby Uncle dans leg » Mon May 20, 2013 11:36 am

I know it' old but...
The newfies were really hoping Quebec was going to separate from Canada...it would've cut their drive to Tarana down by at least 5 hours
nobody forks with...the jesus
User avatar
Uncle dans leg
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 1948
Joined: Sat Jul 09, 2011 10:19 pm
Location: Lethbridge AB

Re: Joke Central

Postby Per » Mon May 20, 2013 2:31 pm

You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.
User avatar
Per
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 1774
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:45 am

Re: Joke Central

Postby Topper » Wed May 22, 2013 11:23 pm

Black guy strolls into KFC.

He's not Tiger Woods.
Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything.

I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete twats.
User avatar
Topper
CC Legend
 
Posts: 4681
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 8:11 pm
Location: Earth, most days.

Re: Joke Central

Postby Topper » Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:18 am

Wife told me this morning that she hopes I develop throat cancer.
Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything.

I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete twats.
User avatar
Topper
CC Legend
 
Posts: 4681
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 8:11 pm
Location: Earth, most days.

Re: Joke Central

Postby Strangelove » Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Topper wrote:Wife told me this morning that she hopes I develop throat cancer.


:D

The odds of that are directly proportional to the number of partners.

So unless she's good with you being the village pussy whisperer....
____
"I like to think that this team can get its mojo back" - Ryan Miller
User avatar
Strangelove
CC Legend
 
Posts: 7184
Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2004 1:13 pm

Re: Joke Central

Postby Rumsfeld » Mon Jun 03, 2013 2:44 pm

Per wrote:You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.


Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.
Cowards die a thousand times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.
User avatar
Rumsfeld
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 2632
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:48 pm
Location: Pissed in the Canyon

Re: Joke Central

Postby Meds » Mon Jun 03, 2013 7:54 pm

Rumsfeld wrote:
Per wrote:You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.


Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.


Whadya expect Rummy? They're a buncha Socialist Marx lovers after all.
User avatar
Meds
CC Legend
 
Posts: 3187
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:50 pm

Re: Joke Central

Postby ukcanuck » Mon Jun 03, 2013 8:44 pm

Meds wrote:
Rumsfeld wrote:
Per wrote:You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.


Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.


Whadya expect Rummy? They're a buncha Socialist Marx lovers after all.


Meds you remind me of them good ol boys who want to get even with them turban wearing A-rabs what blowed up the world trade senter
User avatar
ukcanuck
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 2342
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2011 3:04 am

Re: Joke Central

Postby Rumsfeld » Mon Jun 03, 2013 8:58 pm

But thay dun blode it up reel gud tho :drink: :drink: :drink:

I rakki suns a biches
Cowards die a thousand times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.
User avatar
Rumsfeld
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 2632
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:48 pm
Location: Pissed in the Canyon

Re: Joke Central

Postby Eddy Punch Clock » Mon Jun 03, 2013 9:54 pm

Rumsfeld wrote:But thay dun blode it up reel gud tho :drink: :drink: :drink:

I rakki suns a biches


Y'all just reminded me of a joke what I done heard the other day...

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'

The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?

The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.

The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'

The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'

By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question .The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.'
2011..... the one that got away.
User avatar
Eddy Punch Clock
CC 1st Team All-Star
 
Posts: 952
Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2011 8:35 am
Location: The Wack

Re: Joke Central

Postby Meds » Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:38 am

ukcanuck wrote:
Meds wrote:
Rumsfeld wrote:Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.


Whadya expect Rummy? They're a buncha Socialist Marx lovers after all.


Meds you remind me of them good ol boys who want to get even with them turban wearing A-rabs what blowed up the world trade senter


Ok. :thumbs:

Ass hat. :roll:
User avatar
Meds
CC Legend
 
Posts: 3187
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:50 pm

Re: Joke Central

Postby ukcanuck » Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:46 am

Zoooooooom
User avatar
ukcanuck
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 2342
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2011 3:04 am

Re: Joke Central

Postby Per » Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:05 am

Rumsfeld wrote:I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.


An astute observation. The climate is cool, but people are generally hot.
Last edited by Per on Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Per
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 1774
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:45 am

Re: Joke Central

Postby Per » Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:13 am

As for the drug thingy: http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/bsp/hi ... unicef.pdf

Go to page 32, figure 5.2 c.

More than 40% of Canadian kids age 11,13 and 15 polled reported to have used cannabis in the last twelve months! :shock:
The corresponding figure for Sweden was less than 5%. No figure availablefor Norway.

Smoking weed may be socially accepted in parts of North America, but in Scandinavia (outside of Denmark) it's not.
The only people who do it here are addicts, and the odd 20-something returning home after having lived in North America for some time. Thus the expression on his face.
User avatar
Per
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 1774
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:45 am

Re: Joke Central

Postby Rumsfeld » Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:25 pm

Per wrote:The only people who do it here are addicts


Yeah I highly doubt that. By addicts you must mean hard drug addicts, and hard drug addicts don't have cash to blow on herb... especially if it's rare, and therefore more expensive, in your awful little country. :roll:

Maybe you're just a giant dork even by the dorky standards of Sweden and therefore don't know any people who smoke weed... thus giving you the impression it's something only used by "addicts". :lol:
Cowards die a thousand times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.
User avatar
Rumsfeld
CC Hall of Fan Member
 
Posts: 2632
Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:48 pm
Location: Pissed in the Canyon

PreviousNext

Return to Creeper's Bar & Grill

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 1 guest