Joke Central

The primary goal of this site is to provide mature, meaningful discussion about the Vancouver Canucks. However, we all need a break some time so this forum is basically for anything off-topic, off the wall, or to just get something off your chest! This forum is named after poster Creeper, who passed away in July of 2011 and was a long time member of the Canucks message board community.

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Uncle dans leg
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Uncle dans leg » Mon May 20, 2013 11:36 am

I know it' old but...
The newfies were really hoping Quebec was going to separate from Canada...it would've cut their drive to Tarana down by at least 5 hours
nobody forks...with the jesus

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Per
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Per » Mon May 20, 2013 2:31 pm

You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.
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Except when donating blood.

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Topper
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Topper » Wed May 22, 2013 11:23 pm

Black guy strolls into KFC.

He's not Tiger Woods.
Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything.

I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete twats.

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Topper
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Topper » Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:18 am

Wife told me this morning that she hopes I develop throat cancer.
Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything.

I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete twats.

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Strangelove
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Strangelove » Mon Jun 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Topper wrote:Wife told me this morning that she hopes I develop throat cancer.
:D

The odds of that are directly proportional to the number of partners.

So unless she's good with you being the village pussy whisperer....
____
GO CANUCKS GO!!!

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Rumsfeld
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Rumsfeld » Mon Jun 03, 2013 2:44 pm

Per wrote:You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.
Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.
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Meds
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Meds » Mon Jun 03, 2013 7:54 pm

Rumsfeld wrote:
Per wrote:You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.
Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.
Whadya expect Rummy? They're a buncha Socialist Marx lovers after all.

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ukcanuck
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Re: Joke Central

Post by ukcanuck » Mon Jun 03, 2013 8:44 pm

Meds wrote:
Rumsfeld wrote:
Per wrote:You say newfie, I say Norwegian.

Why do the Norwegians put birth control pills in the washer fluid?
Because then the windshield wipers don't need any rubber.

How can you see a Norwegian has borrowed your laptop?
There's liquid paper on the screen.
Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.
Whadya expect Rummy? They're a buncha Socialist Marx lovers after all.
Meds you remind me of them good ol boys who want to get even with them turban wearing A-rabs what blowed up the world trade senter

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Rumsfeld
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Rumsfeld » Mon Jun 03, 2013 8:58 pm

But thay dun blode it up reel gud tho :drink: :drink: :drink:

I rakki suns a biches
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Eddy Punch Clock
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Eddy Punch Clock » Mon Jun 03, 2013 9:54 pm

Rumsfeld wrote:But thay dun blode it up reel gud tho :drink: :drink: :drink:

I rakki suns a biches
Y'all just reminded me of a joke what I done heard the other day...
A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'

The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?

The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.' The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.

The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'

The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'

By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question .The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.'
2011..... the one that got away.

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Meds
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Meds » Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:38 am

ukcanuck wrote:
Meds wrote:
Rumsfeld wrote: Holy shit that was lame!

:D

My cousin is married to a Norweigan, he's actually a lot like you. Thoughtful, polite, and BORING AS FUCK. I sparked up a joint on the porch at a dinner party five years ago and he looked like someone had a heroin rig dangling out of their arm.

I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.
Whadya expect Rummy? They're a buncha Socialist Marx lovers after all.
Meds you remind me of them good ol boys who want to get even with them turban wearing A-rabs what blowed up the world trade senter
Ok. :thumbs:

Ass hat. :roll:

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ukcanuck
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Re: Joke Central

Post by ukcanuck » Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:46 am

Zoooooooom

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Per
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Per » Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:05 am

Rumsfeld wrote: I'm convinced there are no cool people whatsoever in Scandinavia.
An astute observation. The climate is cool, but people are generally hot.
Last edited by Per on Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Whatever you do, always give 100 %!
Except when donating blood.

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Per
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Per » Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:13 am

As for the drug thingy: http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/bsp/hi ... unicef.pdf

Go to page 32, figure 5.2 c.

More than 40% of Canadian kids age 11,13 and 15 polled reported to have used cannabis in the last twelve months! :shock:
The corresponding figure for Sweden was less than 5%. No figure availablefor Norway.

Smoking weed may be socially accepted in parts of North America, but in Scandinavia (outside of Denmark) it's not.
The only people who do it here are addicts, and the odd 20-something returning home after having lived in North America for some time. Thus the expression on his face.
Whatever you do, always give 100 %!
Except when donating blood.

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Rumsfeld
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Re: Joke Central

Post by Rumsfeld » Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:25 pm

Per wrote: The only people who do it here are addicts
Yeah I highly doubt that. By addicts you must mean hard drug addicts, and hard drug addicts don't have cash to blow on herb... especially if it's rare, and therefore more expensive, in your awful little country. :roll:

Maybe you're just a giant dork even by the dorky standards of Sweden and therefore don't know any people who smoke weed... thus giving you the impression it's something only used by "addicts". :lol:
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