The "Let's get it all out" thread - lockout edition

[Cornuck]

Ok - it's time to vent.

Imagine you're in a room with Bettman and Fehr. It's locked and you have 5 minutes to say what's on your mind.

[donlever]

[Meds]

First I would probably stand ukcanuck up in front of Fehr and shoot him.....give Fehr the chance to see what should happen to union types that are outside of reality and forget about the bigger picture. Ok, blind socialists in general. But I digress. All I'm saying is that I'd give Fehr one last chance to get his act together.

If he didn't figure it out after that, then I'd shoot Fehr in the head. Why? Because he's not trying to do anything to help or grow the game of hockey. It's just dollar signs in his own pocket and the pockets of the players. He's as much, if not more, in a pissing match that he feels he needs to win to save face as he is than he is at a negotiation table trying to do what is best for both sides and the game itself.

I'd shoot Bettman in both knees. Why? Because even though it is always about the money with Butthead at least he links that to growing the sport and doing whatever he can to make it more popular, so it may be all about the revenues for him, but at least he's motivated to head in the right direction.....to some extent. I would also remind him that he's really short.

I would then probably regret my first action as we would all have to miss out on any further back-and-forths between uk and the likes of Pot, Coco, Blob, and pretty much anyone else who he has tried to argue with. I gotta say, the mopping up job people are doing with him is akin to some of the work that was done with hjuemani back on the old site. All rather entertaining. I'm OK with losing a form of entertainment though if it were to get hockey back and going under a "reasonable" CBA.

[donlever]

First I would probably stand ukcanuck up in front of Fehr and shoot him.....

If he didn't figure it out after that, then I'd shoot Fehr in the head.

I'd shoot Bettman in both knees.

[rats19]

The best way show how you feel is likely have them waiting in the room for the 5 min meeting...and not show!!!

fuckem

[Meds]

First I would probably stand ukcanuck up in front of Fehr and shoot him.....

If he didn't figure it out after that, then I'd shoot Fehr in the head.

I'd shoot Bettman in both knees.

Exactly.

I believe that Brick could sum that up best....

LOUD NOISES!

Rats, on the other hand, takes the high road, and I believe he lesson in his parable is to hit them in the pocket book and not show up when the league returns.

[Cornuck]

I'd have to walk in, look at them both and say something along the lines of:

Look. We all know that this is just a big pissing match and you're both assholes. We also know that neither of you give a shit about watching hockey. We also know that you're both a couple of money-loving douchebags. With that out of the way, know that there are a lot of people who love hockey and want to see the best in the world play it. In fact we love it a lot. Kind of like you love your children.

Speaking of which, we have kidnapped your family and are holding them hostage somewhere in Vancouver. We chose Vancouver, since neither of you could find it.

When you are ready to ready to complete the CBA, we will turn off the valves that are flooding the room where your families are kept. I would suggest that you do this soon, as we only return to the room every 4 days (we learned about urgency from you dickheads). Once the CBA is in place and the valves are shut off, you both will begin a 30 city tour of all NHL areas (yes, even the Canadian ones) and apologize at center ice for what you have done to the game.

Once the tour is over, you will then create a new binding CBA that binds both parties for the next 50 years.

Then your families will be released.

Get to it

(then I'd kick them each in the nuts)

[Meds]

I'd have to walk in, look at them both and say something along the lines of:

Look. We all know that this is just a big pissing match and you're both assholes. We also know that neither of you give a shit about watching hockey. We also know that you're both a couple of money-loving douchebags. With that out of the way, know that there are a lot of people who love hockey and want to see the best in the world play it. In fact we love it a lot. Kind of like you love your children.

Speaking of which, we have kidnapped your family and are holding them hostage somewhere in Vancouver. We chose Vancouver, since neither of you could find it.

When you are ready to ready to complete the CBA, we will turn off the valves that are flooding the room where your families are kept. I would suggest that you do this soon, as we only return to the room every 4 days (we learned about urgency from you dickheads). Once the CBA is in place and the valves are shut off, you both will begin a 30 city tour of all NHL areas (yes, even the Canadian ones) and apologize at center ice for what you have done to the game.

Once the tour is over, you will then create a new binding CBA that binds both parties for the next 50 years.

Then your families will be released.

Get to it

(then I'd kick them each in the nuts)

The kidnapping of family is a nice touch. Although I don't think the psychological approach where you try to weaken them with an attack on emotional ties will work. Money is their first love, everything else is secondary. Chances are that both of them have unhappy wives and estranged children, so they would probably thank you for getting them sizable life-insurance settlements (you know they probably have insane policies) for the loss of their children and spouse, and also be grateful to you for removing the pressure of a potential future divorce and the subsequent alamony and child support payments.

The kick in the nuts might work though. At the very least it would be cathartic.

I think the only real way to motivate them in a pressure situation would be to lock them in a room and for every minute that they failed to negotiate a good faith agreement you burn $1000 on the table in front of them. Make sure they are at least under the impression that it is their money that you are burning. Deal will get done before you're through your first stack of bills.

[Cornuck]

Hmm - perhaps you're right. They are heartless bastards.

Freezing their assets would motivate them more than any simple human emotion. Sorry, I'm new to this.

How about this? Lock them in a room. Pipe Justin Beiber 'music' into it. Wait for results. Get the CBA signed. Leave them in the room to rot.

[Strangelove]

First I would probably stand ukcanuck up in front of Fehr and shoot him

then I'd shoot Fehr in the head.

Ummm you're not a....... psycho.... or anything are ya Meds?

[Meds]

Hmm - perhaps you're right. They are heartless bastards.

Freezing their assets would motivate them more than any simple human emotion. Sorry, I'm new to this.

How about this? Lock them in a room. Pipe Justin Beiber 'music' into it. Wait for results. Get the CBA signed. Leave them in the room to rot.

HELL NO!!!!

Clearly you are new to this whole psychological side of things. A deal may get done but then Bettman would probably end up booking Beiber as some kind of show at the all-star game. That's a terrible idea Corn.

[Meds]

First I would probably stand ukcanuck up in front of Fehr and shoot him

then I'd shoot Fehr in the head.

Ummm you're not a....... psycho.... or anything are ya Meds?

Only when I'm, as Topper likes to say, "off them".

An I meant with a paintball gun of course......how are people missing that?








Frozen of course.

[ukcanuck]

First I would probably stand ukcanuck up in front of Fehr and shoot him

Wow your screen name is really fitting isnt it? please dont stop taking them if that violent tendency gets away from you it could be dangerous

[Uncle dans leg]

Isn't Bettman gay?

Edit: Holy crap I was absolutely positive he was gay. He's as flamboyantly homosexual as I've ever seen. I have always thought of him this way...wow.
His poor wife

[Strangelove]

Isn't Bettman gay?

Yes, Bettman and Fehr are both gay.

Your five minutes begins now.

*locks door*