Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby Farhan Lalji » Tue May 15, 2012 10:18 am

Potatoe1 wrote:Fight your own battles and don't be a fucking pussie.

The over coddled kids who don't learn that lesson will get ripped apart in the real world when their parents aren't their to to save them from the "adult" bullies who push them around in very different ways.


I agree with like 99% of this statement but I'll ask a question:

Is it possible to 'fight your own battles' without having to resort to a fist fight?

The reason why I pose this question is because I almost lost my tennis scholarship as a result of multiple fight in my senior year of highschool.

I definitely agree that over coddled kids could have a difficult time with the real world, but if someone is leaning towards the other extreme and is constantly getting into trouble and developing a bad reputation (i.e. me), then that can have negative consequences as well.

I think it's an interesting thought. I also love the idea of standing up for oneself, and honestly would rather gets AIDS than backdown from anyone............but I also can't help but wonder if my reputation (both online and offline) would have been a bit better had I just taken the higher road more times than not (even if it resulted in me possibly having less respect for myself?)

Interesting thought for sure.
Last edited by Farhan Lalji on Tue May 15, 2012 2:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby ODB » Tue May 15, 2012 1:03 pm

I'm of two minds. I agree with Pot, kids have to learn to deal with conflicts but...

As stupid as it sounds, times are different. When I was a kid we dealt with school and playground shit at school and at the playground. Now the vast majority of bullying is done on-line. Text messaging, twitter and facebook in the hands of a group of kids can be quite devastating. Pack mentality! No problem if you're not the one singled out. Now kids aren’t even safe at home anymore. Kids aren't mature enough to understand it doesn't mean anything. Children are taking their own lives. It's an issue that we as adults (both parents and childless) have to take serious.

I agree we can't coddle our kids and grow a nation of pussies but we have to acknowledge times are different than they were in the 70s and 80s. Technology changed the world. If my kid gets bullied I'll do my best to stay out of it and let him work things out. I'll let him look after it as long as things don't get out of hand. If I find out my kid is being a bully I'll put my boot up his ass.

All this... from an ex-anonymous cyber bully! :shock:
BTW, NOT A FLAME ... JUST AN OBSERVATION ... :P
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby Vpete » Wed May 16, 2012 8:12 am

On the old CC I posted a part about my oldest son who was being bullied. It was a couple of years ago and I don't recall all the details as it was nothing super serious but you could see the situation could evolve rapidly.

I was happy he stuck up for himself in that he didn't let any one person affect him but it's the pack mentality that got him. For awhile he felt nervous around a certain group of kids. At one point my wife and I intervened in a group setting that formed by chance.

We just asked this group of kids what the problem was and the surprising part was they didn't know. They just felt there was a problem. What had been going on was a 'girl' had been instigating a bunch of things and playing guys off each other by saying one thing to some and something else to others. It was compounded by Facebook, something my son was not a part of as we had not allowed it. However, once this group understood that they were no longer acting in a vacuum they saw there could be consequences.

Over time things were fine and my son has no problems with any of the kids, nor do they with him apparently. Kids are cliquey but none of them are born with conflict management skills. We have to teach them and as your kids get older you know the parents who are in the game with their kids and those who aren't.

After my son moved to junior high we found out a ton about the lead dipshit bullier. Kid is a holy nightmare on so many fronts but his parents refuse to deal with anything, no tough love only disinterested love. This carried over into sports teams and more as we learned, dad always coached him so he never had to try as hard and never got called out. It goes on.

As for my son he learned two things, stand your ground but don't be the instigator. I told him I'll never care if you have to throw the second punch but if you are the one who drives the situation to uncontrollable I'll have an issue.

It's the bigger issue that in life you can't be protected from feedback at work or anywhere, you have to be able to take it and manage your emotions. If some one pisses you off it does not give you the right to go 'after' them. I think there are many kids who never learn that lesson. Boils down to entitlement to me.
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby ODB » Wed May 16, 2012 8:30 am

Off topic but our friends son's best friend killed himself a few years ago because his girlfriend broke up with him. His parents came home from work and found him hanging in the garage.

Imagine that! :(

Call the kid a pussy and all that but kids are stupid. They can’t see the forest through the trees. They think these teenage years is all there is. They don't have the life experience to roll with the ups and downs. Adults have to take bullying serious because children aren't equipped to deal with social issues. We have to play close attention.
BTW, NOT A FLAME ... JUST AN OBSERVATION ... :P
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby Arachnid » Wed May 16, 2012 8:33 am

I bully bullies (the Dexter of the broken social scene?! :look: ). I love a challenge and if I learned anything, bullies are the biggest cowards in life (same with trolls :) ) and if you come right at them they usually retreat with their tail up their ass... 8-) This is proven time and time again.
Have I ever been bullied? No, for the reasons above.
Have I ever bullied anyone? No, not really there was this kid on our street we use to tease a lot, but the whole family was weird, it got pretty boring fast so, just left him be. Never liked the pack mentality. One guy goes after one guy and then a bunch weak followers go after them...I can't think of anything more pathetic but it happens with kids and adults so it's not a maturity thing.

What do I teach my kids? To deal with it the best way you can. Doesn't always involve fighting back. Sometimes using your brain and your wits works far better.

Nothing has changed with social media or the internet. No one is anonymouse anymore. Be smart, stay alert and party on dudes!
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby Topper » Wed May 16, 2012 8:43 am

ODB, if the kid was that fragile, its likely a sooner or later situation. I had classmate in elementary school who hung himself because his folks wouldn't let him go to a rock concert. We never had grief councillors at the school. We all knew he was a weird guy.

We've got an only child. Mrs Topper is a stay at home Mom and I either work out of town or in my home office. Our guy is with us a lot. We get him out to the playground and into community kids programs as much as we can just so he gets social interaction with other kids and learns the consequences of being a jerk.
Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything.

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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby Strangelove » Wed May 16, 2012 2:26 pm

I’m not a bully but ALL the guys in the gang I lead are bullies.

Bullying when done properly is actually a form of “tough love”.

So yeah, bullying is an important component in building a healthy society.

It’s a shame there are so many wannabe bullies out there confusing the issue.

Bullying is a lost art form and all those amateurs out there are giving bullies a bad name.
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby donlever » Wed May 16, 2012 2:49 pm

...not to mention the amateurs are carrying knives, machetes or guns.

Or do their deed in the form of wildings.

Stand up to that son.

Unfortunately many bullies don't punch in the face anymore, they curb stomp your head after several of them jump you.

Tough to learn many lessons in a coma.
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby Topper » Wed May 16, 2012 3:00 pm

Morrissey sang about that, but Mojo Nixon had a better version.
Over the Internet, you can pretend to be anyone or anything.

I'm amazed that so many people choose to be complete twats.
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby SKYO » Wed May 16, 2012 10:39 pm

Topper wrote:ODB, if the kid was that fragile, its likely a sooner or later situation.


If you don't have a strong mind you'll KYS easy days.
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby rats19 » Sun May 20, 2012 4:06 pm

A poster named GM bullied me once...
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Re: Were you ever bullied? Have you ever been a bully?

Postby SKYO » Sun May 20, 2012 11:24 pm

rats19 wrote:A poster named GM bullied me once...

We've all been bullied at one time or another, even Topper I bet.
He was once a tiny tot, unless he grew up like a sasquatch.
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