I don't head into Vancouver much anymore because I HATE bumper-to-bumper traffic. But my sister finally convinced me to drive my mom into Vancouver (from Abby) for her big Mother's Day bash (Saturday, to beat the rush). Usually we have these kind of parties in Abby, but this time I gave in to my sister’s request. It wasn't TO bad heading in, all the major construction progress kept things interesting. Nice day for a drive, twas a great party, yada yada yada...
Okay, so we're (mom, wifey, yours truly) headed back to Abby around 3-ish (mom wanted to make sure she was home in time for Game 7 Caps/Rags - yes she is a HUGE hockey fan) (LOL she is in more hockey pools than I am, and she actually runs a pool). Anyway.... I'm very anal about monitoring CKWX 11:30 "on the ones" traffic updates. This habit has helped me avoid many 'o traffic jam over the years. Well not this day. The Trans-Can traffic suddenly comes to a complete stop.
A bit of a downer, but we were all in good spirits, and even though I HATE bumper-to-bumper traffic, I wasn't going to let this ruin a great day. Now a few things happened in the next little while that changed yours truly from happy-go-lucky Strangelove to bloodthirsty Strangelove. I'd like to share some of that with you good folk here at the Corner...
As we sit there, the next traffic update CKWX reports a big accident on the Trans-Can eastbound, just west of the Gaglardi exit, they are letting one lane of traffic through. Slowly. I shut the radio off. I was saying to the ladies, gee wot bad luck, if the accident was just a hundred meters further down the road, everyone could have just taken the exit..... and if we had left 5 minutes earlier we would have missed the accident... or if 5 minutes later we would have had the traffic report and exited the freeway at Willingdon. But there we were. We started counting all the single-occupant westbound cars in the HOV lane (~30% we figured).
The traffic would creep ahead, stop for awhile, etc, you've all been there. After awhile we could hear a fire engine way back behind us, air horn blasting, siron screaming. Looking back I could see it trying to make its way through the jam, trying to reach the scene. I said to the ladies: "That's odd, why didn't the driver enter at the Gaglardi exit (going the wrong way), I've seen them do that before??" But no, so, okay. We were in the far left hand (HOV) lane. Everyone in our lane was pulling over as far as possible to the left. The other 2 lanes were pulling as far as possible to the right. Just enough room was created in this manner for the fire truck to get through. Then everyone would go back into there respective lanes.
Then another fire truck. Sea parts, closes.
Third fire truck, same deal EXCEPT
... this time the fuckhead behind me in a ford pickup quickly pulls into the temporary lane in a desperate attempt to get ahead of a few cars. With a close eye on the rear-view mirror, I see him doing this and LAY INTO my horn. I'm not sure if the guy in front of me saw what was going on, but he started pulling back into the lane, cutting off the fuckhead. Now Fuckhead's open widow is directly beside my mom's (in back seat) window. I layed OFF the horn and then LAYED INTO it again for effect and so’s to get Fuckhead to look over (he was trying to ignore). It worked and he shrugged with a confused look on his face. I pointed at him and put on my everyone-knows-what-you're-doing-and-I'M- GOING-TO-FUCKING-MURDER-YOU face.
Now folks, I'm hardly ever angry (I swear!) but when I am... well trust me, my ClintEastwoodesque look HAS caused multiple heart-attacks. Sometimes looks can
I noticed mom wagging her finger at fuckhead (see, I had been giving Fuckhead’s play-by-play) and a part of me wanted to LOL, but I was busy trying to stop fuckhead's heart (almost succeeded) (btw did I mention fuckhead was the lone occupant of his shit-brown-in-the-HOV-lane-Ford?).
Well the traffic moved enough for Fuckhead to get by and I pulled in behind him and that was that. I hope the embarrassment was worth the effort to get one car further ahead in a backlog of hundreds FUCKHEAD!
So 3 fire trucks had come through and that was soon followed by 3 ambulances! We figured it must be a bloodbath up ahead (no police cars and no tow trucks went by us btw). When we finally get up there we see 3 very slightly dented vehicles off to the side of the road and a cop car (at least the cop was smart enough to enter the freeway from the Gaglardi exit) blocking 2 of the 3 lanes. I’m pretty sure the cop was writing a ticket to one of the motorcyclists who had bypassed us all by sneaking along the edge, but
... no blood, no guts, NO NUTHIN!!
Not that I WANTED to see any of that, but I had to wonder if they had just taken 40 minutes out of everyone’s life for a freaking fender-bender?? Not to mention the waste of sending 3 fire trucks and 3 ambulances unnecessarily THROUGH the backlog. FOR A FENDER BENDER?? FFS, someone could’ve been killed! And by someone I mean Fuckhead.
So yeah I’ve been searching the news and there is no mention of the accident, leaving me to conclude it was in fact a fender-bender. That pisses me off. Thanks for listening.
You know what else pisses me off?
The way they replay past overtime goals just prior to overtime.
I’m running around trying to grab my caviar & champagne (or wotever) and I hear:
*caviar & champagne goes flying
What, that was from a game 22 years ago?
JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF!!
Okay thanks, I feel much better now....