A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

[ODB]

Daycare sucks.

My son is 6 days in and our provider is already complaining bcs he doesn't follow the same sleep sched as her kids.

FUCK YOU! I pay you $1K/month to figure that shit out. Dont tell me my kid has to adapt to a new house, new shit, new ppl, being ripped away from mom and now also has to sleep at different times bcs thats when your 4 or and five yr old sleep at.

Maybe bcs he has just tuirned one he still needs two fucking naps a day.

Retarded bitch, ahem ex-maid of honour.

I hear ya CFP, I hear ya! Mine came home from daycare last night with what we believe is PINK EYE! Nice eh? Fuckin pain in the ass. What can ya do? I'm not gonna sell the house and truck so I can stay home with him so... it is what it is!

[Topper]

We decided that Mrs. Topper will be a stay at home Mom and raise our son.

She still teaches a few classes a week and we have friends lining up to look after our guy for a couple of hours because they think he's cool. He's also extremely low maintenance and easy going.

We looked at what Mrs Topper would need to be making to pay for daycare and the additional tax hit her income would nail us with and it just makes much better sense both for the kid and the pocket book.

[Strangelove]

There were 7 of us, with one guy pointing the tethered pistol from the arcade game near the door straight at the cowering batty boy.

Poor bastard must have been scared shitless when we walked in the door.

Reminds me of our lil group during our little mid-teen LSD phase. Usually 7-8 of us roaming the streets of East Van. Sometimes we'd pile into a coupla cars and head downtown. Now there was this one particular time I swear....

First the background. Okay I sucked at pool considering all the pool we played. Likewise foosball. But when it came to pinball... well I was a veritable WIZARD. Seriously, I was the best there ever was and I'm not even kidding. I actually made money by racking up free games and selling them. Anyway, one time we were over-stoned on acid at a pinball arcade downtown. Okay now I SWEAR...

The pinball machine - from my point of view - went into slow motion whilst - I - was still running at normal speed! I kept freezing the ball with a flipper and trying to tell various pals as they wandered from machine-to-machine about what was happening. Then I realized "Oh yeah, even if they were NOT high they wouldn't understand... or believe it." (btw every time I froze the ball and looked around, time would instantly return to normal... as soon as I looked back down at the machine: slow-mo!). Eventually a crowd formed when they started hearing all the THWACKS of 'free games'.

Crowds gathering to watch me play pinball were common-place, but not whilst on an acid-high. Pinball was not our favorite thing to do on acid, and I was usually just-average when high. Now you might say the slo-mo experience was a hallucination, but then how do you explain the RECORD high-score that I couldn't even approach when I returned to that machine a few days later?

"Purple Double-dome"... CAN... create time warps I tells ya!!!

[Vpete]

Daycae sucks but I recognize that it's a reality for some. We had a nanny for awhile with our first when we both worked but if made way more sense to have the wife at home. It's a tough choice for some and the Canadian Tax laws are kinda screwed in regards to families and their well being. I'm lucky that we can have a family member at home and there's not a much sacrifice financially. In Vancouver it would probably be a different story because I'm not prepared to live in the burbs so I would overpay like others for location.

However I like Doc's story. Had many of those nights days out in the UBC Endowment lands (fuck Pacific Spirit park), Jericho Beach and Wreck Beach. I can remember tripping my balls off and climbing on top of Lord Byng School. Rolling into Benny's Bagels on Broadway so freaked out the staff would laugh at us- same with The Naam.

Other times we would 'pool hop' and hope we didn't kill ourselves before we got chased out of people's yards. Ah the wonders of experimentation.

[rats19]

Never look in a mirror...

Orange barrel and blotter.....blotter being the fave...laugh for frikken hours...

[Vpete]

Never look in a mirror...

Orange barrel and blotter.....blotter being the fave...laugh for frikken hours...

I always did the mirror on the wup 'up' because it gave a me a pretty accurate of how fucked up I would get.

[ODB]

One night when we dropped acid a chick we were with was trying to track down where here friend was. Pre cell phone days, she grabbed the phone book and started reading people last names and phone numbers. She started at the beginning and just figured she'd keep going until she read the name and number that rang a bell. I kid you not she sat and read out names for the better part of three hours.

I totally believe Doc's time warp thing. The same night we were watching the Stallone movie Cliffhanger. It was at some uneventful scene in the movie and time just slowed down. Even the dialog wwwweeeeehhhhhttttt lllllllliiiiiikkkkkkkeeeeeee tttttttthhhhhiiiiiissssss! It only last for like five seconds but it tripped me out bad. I asked if anyone else saw that and of course they hadn't.

I wasn't a huge fan of acid. I usually had bad paranoid trips. I found schrooms much more to my liking.

[Topper]

The pinball machine - from my point of view - went into slow motion whilst - I - was still running at normal speed!

"Purple Double-dome"... CAN... create time warps I tells ya!!!

Doc Ellis

[ODB]

Strangeloves butterfly experience is the best stoner story ever!

[Vpete]

I once got hit in the balls with a hockey ball while ripped on mescaline- you never saw a freakout like that!

[rats19]

Never look in a mirror...

Orange barrel and blotter.....blotter being the fave...laugh for frikken hours...

I always did the mirror on the wup 'up' because it gave a me a pretty accurate of how fucked up I would get.

especially while laughing hard....fuck we are ugly thru cid eyes...

[Strangelove]

I wasn't a huge fan of acid. I usually had bad paranoid trips. I found schrooms much more to my liking.

I could never tell the difference between acid and shrooms. We used to call both "head stones". Coke, Mesc, MDA... were "body stones". I much preferred the body-stones, but I was curious about the head-stones. My goal was to control the hallucinations whilst the different head-space granted me insights into myself & the universe. Hey, I was "experimenting"....

So I never really experienced much paranoia on acid. But here’s a story....

I was with a buddy when he went on a really bad trip. We were 16 and for some reason ended up in Surrey. And for SOME REASON we bought 2 hits from a stranger (we normally got our stuff from a UBC geek who cooked up batches of acid in the science lab - this guy ended up serving 2-years-less-a-day at Oakalla, but that's another story). Anyway we were at the McDonalds in Surrey (there was only ONE in those days) getting EXTREMELY high and in comes a girl I had partied with in Birch Bay a coupla months prior (Birch Bay was Party Central for Lower-Mainlanders back in the day). She had a few girl-friends with her and asked us if we wanted to go to a party.



So off we went. We followed her to a house and guys.... it was just awesome. Two girls for every guy. I'm not sure how much time had passed, but I was making out with some chick in a bedroom when one of her girl-friends came bursting in: "Hey you better do something about your friend cuz he's FREAKING OUT!" Now fellas I really really didn't want to leave that bedroom because it was SO nice, but 'duty calls' right?

So I'm wandering around this house full of strangers, trying to get my pants on, lookin for my pal!

I distinctly remember that same girl showing up in my face again repeating "Hey your friend is FREAKING OUT!". To which I replied "WELL WHERE THE FUCK IS HE??". She grabbed my hand and dragged me outside and there he was, blabbing incoherently on the front lawn, waving his arms around, yelling at passers-by. He seemed pissed about something, but God knows what. I'm like "Buddy what are you doing, you're missing the party!" But buddy was RIGHT out of it. I decided to drive him home.

Hey in those days most folks on the road on a Saturday night were high or drunk. It was... acceptable.

So I get him into my Dodge Seneca:



... and head for the freeway. Now it's a good thing I used to speed like a demon because that made it harder for him to open the door when he suddenly decided to JUMP FOR IT! I used my honed pinball-quick reflexes to dive across and grab him by the scruff-of-the-shirt, pulling him, and the door, back in place. He kept asking me who I was and where I was taking him.



I just kept telling him to sit still and shut up. He was afraid of whoever-he-thought-I-was, so he obeyed for the most part. I got him to his parents house in East Van. It was late and the lights were out. And buddy was only quietly muttering to himself now. So I said to him "Look Dave, that's your house right?" He nodded. Me: "Okay, now listen, you're gonna hafta go straight to your room QUIETLY okay? If you wake your parents up, they're gonna know you did drugs, so you hafta be real QUIET okay?" He nodded. Me: "Okay, see ya tomorrow and remember: QUIET!" He smiles, nods, gets out and walks across the street.

His front door was always unlocked (those were the days), but as soon as he gets to the door he starts... POUNDING!! And YELLING: "OPEN THE FUCK UP, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!" And now he was LAUGHING... which of course made ME laugh. I'm thinking "Shit, here we go...". So the lights are all coming on as I walk over yelling "Didn't I (lol) fucking say (lol) QUIETLY??" The door opens and he scoots in, I could hear him ranting somewhere upstairs (4 floors counting the basement where his bedroom was).

Next thing I remember I was sitting in the kitchen with his parents, not sure where Dave was. They gave me a cup of coffee and were asking me what was wrong with Dave. I was all nonchalant. "Ummm not sure, we were at a friend's house in Surrey and he started acting funny, thanks for the coffee, so I thought I'd bring him home." They asked if I thought he might have taken some drugs. I said "No, I don't think so."

Then the strangest thing happened! I thought I was doing my usual superior job of "acting stock" as we called it. I was focusing on speaking clearly, concisely, and keeping every move smooth & easy... BUT... when I ever-so-gently placed the cup back on the table, a tiny sploosh of coffee SEEMED to splash out. Right away I'm thinking okay, did that really happen... or was it a hallucination?

Meanwhile I'm trying to focus on the conversation at hand WITHOUT seeming the least bit nervous or insecure. So I'm discretely checking for spillage and thinking "If I actually spilled my coffee, Dave's mom would be grabbing me a cloth... unless she's TOTALLY onto me and figures a little spillage at this point is relatively unimportant... but there doesn't APPEAR to be any spillage, as I take another sip, studying the table, it doesn’t seem wet... Meanwhile I can hear myself answering questions with things like "Well I guess he MIGHT have taken some drugs"... "No I don't know what kind of drugs"... "Me? No I'd never take any drugs"...

Each time I placed the cup down EVER-SO-GENTLY there was another... bloop. I figured the best option was to just believe it was a hallucination and ignore it because if I actually WAS splashing coffee they'd ALREADY know I was stoned... whereas if I was merely hallucinating they wouldn't notice as long as I kept it to myself. As long as I kept it to myself. As long as I kept it to myself. They were studying me very closely so I was actually RELIEVED when Dave came storming through the kitchen yelling "What THE FUCK are you people doing in my kitchen??!!"

Soon the plan became: Dad will take Dave to the hospital while I sat and had more coffee with mom. I'm thinking "Good luck with THAT dad!". As they were corralling him into their car, I got into mine and made my get-away!

Buddy spent the night in the hospital and wouldn't touch LSD for 2 whole weeks.

[Topper]

Anyway we were at the McDonalds in Surrey (there was only ONE in those days)

On King George, beside the K-Mart. That is where my Grandfather's mink farm was.

[Corb]

I worked at a mink farm for a summer when I was 18. Worst job I ever had, although it was funny watching a mink take the end of my co-worker's pecker off. Stupid ass leaned over the cage with his track pants on................

[nuckster]

. We went into his garage and he grabbed a ladder and climbed into garage attic. He hid his schrooms amongst the insulation and refused to come down. He just kept peeking his head out saying he couldn’t come down. It was hot as hell out and musta been 40 degrees up in that attic so he stripped down to his underwear. He was freaking out because he had bugs all over him and he couldn’t stop itching. I sat on a chair and did all I could to stop my mind from snapping and becoming lost in the abyss. He sat up there all afternoon while I fiddled with common shit one would find in a garage. I found a soldering gun and a chunk of wood.

Jeeesus that was funny! I laughed so hard i had tears streaming down... my rather conservative girlfriend doesn't have a clue about what i meant when i said, 'what a shroom story!' ; but it sure reminds me of a few from my past.

I used to live in Quesnel in my late teens (77-81 or so). One time a bunch of us got together and the buzzz was just starting to set in. I had a new girlfriend and there was no place to go and have privacy in the house party we were at so she took me by the hand into the bathroom and locked the door. So while she may have been clear from her perspective about why were in there, and i may have had a clue initially, my mind was taken to the tunes that were playing and god knows what else. So she proceeded to strip off her clothes and i just followed along and she suggested that i lay down on the bare lineuleum floor while she went for being on top. No problem...alright... the parts were responding and it was kind of trippy (in an enjoyable way ofcourse). So it was weird how the mind would just focus on all of these different sensations that weren't necessarily connected to the 'act'...and whay was my right ass cheek starting to feel so fucking hot!?? I remember verbalizing it, 'my ass is burning', to which she said something like, 'oh yes baby, you're hot..oh yes'. But it really was getting fuckin hot...burning actually...and so was she. I remember thinking, 'wow, some kind of weird sexual-stone sensual thing happening here...fuck my ass is hot!' When we got there, and i got up afterwards, i looked down and could see that i had actually been laying on a heat register and i basically had huge register burn across my ass cheeks.

Later, and after doing more shrroms and stupid me, a hit of cid, i decided to walk home and I came across the cops sitting in their car in a parking lot. They were actually decent enough and they offered to give. me a lift home, but then i lost consciousness for while and when i came to, i was standing in the cop shop and a cop had just padded me over in a search and was now asking me to take everything out of my pockets. I reached in and came to realize that i had a quarter oz of columbian on me (that was the primary gunja of the day). So i took everything out except the grass. They proceeded to put me a cold dark cell (no mattress of blanket) and... I was just frikin 'peaking'. I was fuckin mortified, 'Jeeesus, what the hell am i doing here?' I'm peaking, cold, in possession of some decent grass, and my ass was just a stinging! So it tried talking, an yelling, and pleading, to get out but to no avail. Every once in awhile I would see eyes peek in through this little window and they would disappear again. I would forget where i was and come to a belief that maybe i was in a third world city and was captured! it was brutal... i actually cried at one point, snivelling away and yelling to get out. I finally came down enough to sleep a little once it was light out. Then they came and let me out a short while later.

as i proceeded along Willis St. in the downtown area with my hair all dishevelled and my mind kinda numb still, i remember thinking, 'i hope no one sees me...and ... fuck my ass hurts!'