Joke Central

The primary goal of this site is to provide mature, meaningful discussion about the Vancouver Canucks. However, we all need a break some time so this forum is basically for anything off-topic, off the wall, or to just get something off your chest! This forum is named after poster Creeper, who passed away in July of 2011 and was a long time member of the Canucks message board community.

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Postby Madcombinepilot » Tue Jan 25, 2005 3:02 pm

LOL Thats a good one.
The 'Chain of Command' is the chain I am going to beat you with untill you understand I am in charge.
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Postby Mozy » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:05 pm

it wouldnt surprise me if that was in the news either, the sens and leafs hate each other, almost as much as the divealance and the redwings
Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch
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Postby Mozy » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:38 pm

The day after the leafs were bounced from the playoffs, they were at the ACC cleaning out their lockers. Nik Antropov invited the boys over on Canada day for a party, all the players agreed to come.

"Can you all bring beer?" he asked the team...

Domi suggested that he call Quinn, invite him, and tell him to pick up the beer. Quinn agreed to this and said that he would pick it up and bring it over.

Canada day came, and Quinn loaded up his car with case after case of beer for the team and headed over to Nik's place for some fun. On the road, he got stopped at a light and heard the car next to him honking like crazy, and some man yelling "GO LEAFS GO, GO LEAFS GO!"

Quinn unrolled his window, and looked at the man, leafs flags still hanging all over his car...

"Hey Quinny" the man yelled "Whats with all the beer???"

Quinn replied "I picked it up for Antropov"

The man looked at the beer in the back for a moment before yelling...

"Good Trade, Good Trade!!!"

"How many coolies can you get for Berg? "
Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch
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Postby Mozy » Wed Jan 26, 2005 1:46 pm

There's a guy from Edmonton (Oiler fan) driving to Calgary, and a guy
from Calgary (Flames' fan) driving to Edmonton. In the middle of the
night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and
both cars go flying off in different directions.

The Oiler fan manages to climb out of his car and surveys the
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says "Man, I'm really
lucky to be alive"!

Likewise the Flames' fan scrambles out of his car and looks at his
wreckage. He too says to himself, " I can't believe I survived
this wreck!" The Flames' fan walks over to the Oiler fan and says," Hey
man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty
differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."

The Oiler fan thinks for a moment and says," You know, you're
absolutely right. We should be friends. Let's see what else
survived this wreck"! So the Oiler fan pops his trunk and finds a full bottle
of Jack Daniels. He says to the Flames' Fan, "I think this is another sign
from God that we should toast to our newfound understanding and
friendship."

The Flames' fan says, "You right!" He takes the bottle and starts
sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the
bottle the Flames' fan hands it back to the Oiler backer and says, "Your turn."


The Oiler fan twists the cork back on the bottle and says. "Nah, I
think I'll wait for the cops to show up." :lol: :lol:
Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch
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Postby Madcombinepilot » Wed Jan 26, 2005 2:20 pm

"Nah, I
think I'll wait for the cops to show up."



:lol:
The 'Chain of Command' is the chain I am going to beat you with untill you understand I am in charge.
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Postby Madcombinepilot » Wed Jan 26, 2005 2:26 pm

Q: Why Dont The NHL Players Accept The Salary Cap?
A: Because The Players Wont Be Able To Afford The Ferraris To Kill Other Players.
The 'Chain of Command' is the chain I am going to beat you with untill you understand I am in charge.
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Postby Madcombinepilot » Wed Jan 26, 2005 2:33 pm

Why do all the trees in Vancouver lean to the east?

Because the Leafs suck!
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Postby Madcombinepilot » Wed Jan 26, 2005 2:52 pm

A lady walks into a tattoo parlor. She's been told that the artist is the best. Being a HUGE Wayne Gretzky fan, she requests that he put Wayne's face on her right inner thigh. After an hour of work, the artist finishes and shows the lady her work, "This doesn't look anything like Gretzky," she says. He takes out a picture of Wayne and compares them... "See, they look just alike." The lady does not agree. So, the artist agrees to do Wayne on the other thigh for free.

She comes back the next day to have her left thigh done. He does the tattoo and excitingly shows to her. "This one doesn't look like Wayne Gretzky either!" The artist insists that this one is identical to the picture of Wayne that she brought. To solve the debate, the artist calls his friend, a huge hockey fan, over to decide. The friend comes over and the lady lifts her dress to show the tattoos. "Hmmm, I'm not sure who the wingers are, but the center is definitely Lanny McDonald."
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Postby Cornuck » Wed Jan 26, 2005 3:20 pm

Madcombinepilot wrote:Q: Why Dont The NHL Players Accept The Salary Cap?
A: Because The Players Wont Be Able To Afford The Ferraris To Kill Other Players.


That's bad - but then I only laugh at the sick ones!
Over 40 years of pain - I just want one day of glory.
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Postby Mozy » Wed Jan 26, 2005 3:20 pm

lol good one MCP
Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch
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Postby Mozy » Thu Jan 27, 2005 2:24 pm

HER SIDE OF THE STORY :

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have
been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much
about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could
tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him, and he just put his arm around me! I didn't know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got
back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to break up with me! Why didn't he want to talk about this? So I tried to ask him about it, but he just switched on the TV. Why would he rather watch TV than talk to me? Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep, hoping he would get the hint that I was upset and wanted to talk. I was so hurt that he was out there watching TV while I was in here going through emotional turmoil. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. I thought that maybe he would open up after we shared an intimate moment like that, but he still seemed really distracted. So afterwards I just wanted to leave because I was so upset, but I just cried myself to sleep. He didn't even notice how upset I was! I don't know, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm on emotional overload. I'm so confused. I don't think he loves me anymore. Why does he have to play mind games with me? I mean, do you think he's met someone else???

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY :

Nucks lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though
Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch
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Postby mattola » Thu Jan 27, 2005 5:33 pm

Madcombinepilot wrote:Q: Why Dont The NHL Players Accept The Salary Cap?
A: Because The Players Wont Be Able To Afford The Ferraris To Kill Other Players.


< TWEET >

OFFSIDE

< /TWEET >
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Postby Grizzly » Fri Jan 28, 2005 2:12 pm

Definition of Bravery:

True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out
with the boys, being met at the door and assaulted with a broom by your
wife . . .. and still having the guts to ask: "Are you cleaning, or were
you flying somewhere?"

Grizz
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Postby Mozy » Fri Jan 28, 2005 2:17 pm

great one Grizz
Did you see the pool? They flipped the bitch
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Postby Madcombinepilot » Sat Jan 29, 2005 2:13 pm

The definition of 'Bravery' True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys..... Then.....being assaulted by your wife with a broom,And still having the guts to ask: "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"


I wouldn't recomend this!
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